fear and other unwanted guests

I just listened to Fear and Other Unwanted Guests. The author gave anxiety relief advice for dealing with fear, shame and guilt. I think what has stuck is a deeper understanding of my more negative emotions and how often they rule the day.  "Guilt is about doing shame is about being." Guilt is about regret and shame is about loathing. I feel bad about what I've done, am doing and will do and I feel  bad being too fat, bald, old, sick, slow, not good enough. I feel good that I can choose to do things I feel good about and only I get to judge who I am.

With sellingstrong I emphasize a positive approach to maximizing your strengths to minimize your weaknesses and this book stands in stark contrast. I have learned from self experience not to dwell to long on my faults. There are many, but I choose to not allow them to dominate and have accepted them as the price I've paid for having my strengths. I think what matters is how we cope with things. Being resilient, bouncing back, not being too hard on yourself, looking to your better self to see who you are, doing what energizes not what drains, doing what comes naturally verses through struggle. Doing the things that make you strong. Being the person who makes you proud.

Be yourself. Sell strong my friend.

Treasure, Time or Talent

I got an update letter from the coach of my old football team and he spoke of the three T's of giving back. Time, treasure or talent and lately I've been feeling like I have not much of any of those things to share. The schedule looks brutal next year with a opener against Ohio State in Columbus and Boise State in the third game. It made me think of when we beat LSU and then a memory of my Senior year when we were crushed by University of Miami. In no other endevuer but football does taking on the biggest and the best not only carry with it a good chance of loosing, but a very good change of getting physicaly beatun up. I know from expetience, but no other beating is as rewarding as the one you get when you win!

I once heard when you are trying to remember someone who has died and it starts getting hard to remember their face put them into context. Think of a place that you and they have shared. Visualized them in it and their face will be there. This has given me great comfort in the past and as I started seeing dad at the Miami U vs U of Miami game I clearly remeber him standing seven feet tall.

What can you say to a team that has to face the Ohio State Buckeyes on opening day? I figured I would tell them the story of how we beat LSU and tell the story about playing one of the best teams in history in front of my dad. This letter was the result:

June 27, 2012

Dear Coach Treadwell and team,

Thank you for your recent alumni update letter. Your mention of the three T’s made me realize I do have something to share. A story. I am a proud Miami Redskin from the class of ’88. I was the leader of the black and blues for four years, a third string tight end and second string long snapper for my entire career. As the center wedge man for kick-off returns I received multiple concussions and in retrospect credit this for my chronic inability to fulfill Coach Rose’s expectations as well as a myriad of other problems I have only recently been able to comprehend.

By the grace of God I graduated from Miami in four years from the business school, but my relationship with Coach Rose and an unfortunate experience with the Butler County police force soured my desires to ever return to Oxford.  But enough about me and the problems that have haunted me for over twenty years, I write this letter because I have witnessed greatness so frequently that its essence is what I wish to share.

My father was a Marine and war hero in the Pacific and after the war somehow made it to the University of Maryland, married my mother, earned a scholarship and in his senior year had a perfect season. They went undefeated and beat #1 ranked Tennessee in the 1952 Sugar Bowl. He went on to graduate from G. W. Law School. He taught me everything I know about winning. And make no mistake life is about winning. It is how you get the girl, the degree, the job, the career and the good life. You can always find a way to win. You may fail, but never be a failure. Never be someone who gives up before the game is ever played.

My senior year at Miami we played Jimmy Johnson’s undefeated #1 ranked University of Miami, Hurricanes and my dad made a big deal about making it to Florida to see the game. Said he had fond memories of playing in the Orange Bowl and said it was his only chance to see me play on a field that he had also played on.

We still had a chance to win the MAC so Coach Rose didn’t want our starters getting too beaten-up so I played most of the game. In the first quarter I caught a pass in the end-zone that would have put us up 10-3, but I was called for offensive pass interference and it was called back. Coach Rose went crazy and almost got thrown out of the game for being hysterical about the call and as I held him back from killing the referee he literally almost tore my head off. It went badly from there and we lost 53 to 3. Later my father told me he could not have been more proud. He said I kept my coach from making a terrible mistake and for that Coach Rose never thanked me or forgave me.

The year before we had beaten LSU in Death Valley in front of 102,000 when they were ranked #4 in the nation and then we won the MAC and my dad thought my greatest moment was having my helmet ripped off my head by my head coach in the Orange Bowl in a humiliating loss to the eventual national champions. It would take me nearly 25 years to understand this and to realize my father’s true greatness.

He died seven years ago. The same week my second daughter was born. Later, my mom gave me a box with some things he wanted me to have; a small coin collection, his metals from the war, his Sugar Bowl watch, his letter jacket with a National Championship patch, his love letters to my mom while on a road trip to the Gator Bowl his sophomore year at Maryland, and a wood box full of clippings he had collected throughout his life. It took me six years to open that box. Now I blog about him at dumbdumbdaddyo.com.

I once heard that a legacy is not what someone leaves you, but it’s what someone leaves inside of you. It is only recently that I have realized my father has left me a fortune. Greatness is not something you do or achieve it is who you are. You must be great. What’s great about me is that I am my father’s son and I am a Miami Man.

My dad told me once that living the good life was all about winning. In football as in life the harder you work the more likely you are to win. The difference between winning and losing always comes down to a hand full of plays and how well you come together as a team.  Against LSU we all had a hand in the victory, but the difference was that early in the first quarter a third string defensive tackle named Bobby Getz bull rushed a punt and got a hand on it! And then he played like a mad man for the rest of the game and had a few key sacks. From that moment on we knew we could win, 24 – 12 Miami beats the #4 team in the nation, golden moment, timeless. It can happen for you. 

If you manage the handful of plays that will swing good fortune in your favor; if you recover the fumble, make the interception; block the punt, if you let them make the mistakes you can win. If you come together as a team better than they do you can win. Many of you may have wanted to play for Ohio State, but you have an opportunity to do something infinitely better; beat Ohio State and graduate from Miami University! Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise, YOU CAN WIN!

Love and honor to Miami,

Andy Keith

Class of ‘88